8 years ago
Please pray for me. My soul is embedded in the worst possible pain daily. I come from a negative, divided, confused, cursed family that has negative dislike toward another. Majority of my family aren't married. Whoever we encounter that we like or want to be friends with or be in a relationship with, negative souls ALWAYS encounter us & bring more hell, more frustration, more misery, more sadness, more yelling, more fighting, more pain, more confusion, more hurt in our lives. Positive souls reject us. For me growing up, I was the only child with no friends. I was raised by my mother & grandmother. There were no other kids on the street that I lived on. We lived in front of a church. I never had the blessing of friendship, I never had the blessing of any sincere true friends, I never had the blessing of any friends period. I was always & still am lonely. People never wanted to be my friend. I couldn't relate to other people. People made fun of me when I was in school. It's been like this my whole life. Since I graduated from school back in 2008, I never had the blessing of going to college, I never had the blessing of ever having a woman in my life, I never had the blessing of my first kiss from a girl, I never had the blessing of ever having a job, I never had the blessing of having any male figures in my life to teach me how to be a man, my father was never around & wasn't the type of father that was there for me. I never had the blessing of experiencing & getting out in life, I lack learning how to be a responsible young man. I suffer from a learning disability in terms of not being wise & becoming a good listener. When my mother was pregnant with me, my great-grandmother told my mom that the guy she got pregnant with was shockingly a relative. Had my mom knew earlier, I wouldn't be here today. She told me that she did not plan on having me. I was an accident to be here on this earth. That's another hurt that I live with. I suffer from a lot of other hurt, hell & pain daily. The woman that I truly love, that's an incarnate angel sent from the gates of God's Kingdom of heaven, rejected me & married a dangerous, hood, hustler, thugged out staff sergeant that looks like the birth of a murderer. This rare incarnate angel from heaven liked me & told me that she was sure that we'd be friends for a very long time. I poured out my blessings to this angel sent from the gates of heaven, by sending her flowers, cards, candy & gifts to her. The most I've ever done for a woman in my entire life. It was also the first time I ever sent a woman flowers. I touched her heart & made her smile by telling my thoughts to her. I wont ever forget her being in awe & told me that she was sure that we'd be friends for a very long time. Then a few months later, she suddenly takes a trip with a guy, gets proposed & asked to marry him right in front of the white house. The incarnate angel that God & Jesus made shockingly said "Yes". That killed my soul. She got her marriage license & is with him now. No matter how hard I cry my soul out to God, Jesus & Holy Spirit everyday to revive my soul from that pain, I'm not healed & it's hard to move on from a deep hurt that takes you life of soul away because I truly love her. She is one in a zillion souls in this life that God & Jesus made rare, so rare that you just don't come across a soul as beautiful as hers. Sometimes I ask & think to myself, "it's bad enough that I suffer from majority of everything here on this earth, why would a angel from heaven reject me"? I truly love that Angel from heaven. She is everything & different from any other soul here on earth. My soul is so hurt, ripped & destroyed in sadness from the love I have for her. There's not a day that I don't think of her. It's hard to erase her out my mind. I have prayed for God's Will to be done that I have her as my Ultimate Blessing in life. I don't want people or God, Jesus & Holy Spirit to think I'm covet or lusting after her now that she has her marriage license. Some people got controversial, wanted to say I did & thought that I put this angel first before God & that's a lie. My soul has a hole inside that's filled with a water fountain of tears inside each day. I always put God, Jesus & The Holy Spirit first. I suffer from a lot of other pain such as horrible folliculitis, alopecia. My skin has been prone to folliculitis since 2013 of May. The dermatologist can only give me ointments & antibiotics, but neither of them have helped my skin heal completely, I still get sores, dark spots & bumps. I also learned that I have alopecia a few years back as well & I'm going back in my 20's. I strained my eyes by vomiting real bad in 2010 & I strained my eyes. The veins in my eyes have been permanently damaged & my eyes have been inflamed since then. The glands in my eyes swell up daily since then. I went to several eye doctors here in my city & they act like they couldn't identify my diagnosis. I'm still in constant pain to this day. I finally went to see another eye doctor. He examined my eyes & said that I have GLAUCOMA. He wanted me to get an MRI, to get to the real root of my problem & find out more about the condition of my eyes. But my health insurance did not pass through so I can get an MRI. I'm still suffering in excruciating pain with my eyes & my eye doctor said that there isn't anything else he could do for me. I have to wait another six months to see him. So I'm still in pain daily. My optic nerve, the root of my eyes keep shooting piercing pains inside the core of my eyes. I'm afraid & don't want to go blind. I cry in pain at night daily. So please pray that God who sit of the Great Powerful Holy Throne In heaven, Jesus Christ Of Nazareth & The Power Of The Holy Spirit will please heal my eyes, hear & read my prayers on here. Another pain that I suffer from is infection from facial ingrown hair that curls back inside my skin. I suffer in the worst pain. I put God, Jesus & Holy Spirit first & so does my family. My family & I are born-again Christians. Some people in my family look at God's word & scriptures & interpret them differently. I just got through arguing with my family about God's word in the bible & want to say that I'm the confused one. I don't EVEN like to argue, especially about God's Power Holy Words in the scripture!!!!!! I'm so hurt, torn & tired of negativity, confusion, frustration, arguing in my life & family. We all feel like chickens with our heads cut off & its always frustration, poverty, being poor our whole lives, more hell, more misery. NEVER A POSITIVE OUTCOME. My family & I try to strive to stay positive each day as well, but differently. It's always division in my family. Sometimes I've told my family that maybe in heaven we (my family) won't be having negative differences of opinion & that we will all be in positive peace. It broke my heart to tell some people in my family that because there's always controversy. I want God, Jesus & Holy Spirit to PLEASE! 100x times please break this curse in the souls of my family & my life. Please ask God, Jesus & Holy Spirit to please help me overcome my fear of driving. I just had a car accident months ago. I have never been the one eager to drive fast like a lot of young people these days. At 25, I still don't know how to drive. I'm determined to drive. I want God who sit on the throne in heaven to please help me overcome that fear & please be with me in Jesus name. I pray for my bipolar next door mean neighbor that always lies that my family & I bother her. That's another hurt I been dealing with for years too. My mom almost passed away from a blood clot back in 2012. I prayed, cried & gave God praise that she is still here. My grandmother's house got broken in 3 times from 2011 - 2014 & took some sentimental items that cannot be replace. Every month of June, something bad always happens the worst. Whether its a death, someone breaking in our vehicles, an apartment being on fire, me almost getting arrested one time & a relative getting beat up. It's always hell & confusion in this family. I pray to God who sit on the throne in heaven, Jesus Christ & holy spirit that they will please send me a positive sincere loving angel from God's Powerful Great Holy Throne in heaven & beautiful children that have special souls from heaven. A month ago, A 10 year old anonymously emailed & told me that "God sent me to tell you that he has great big plans for you". That brought tears to my eyes & my soul. I NEVER had that happened to me either. I believe that God who sit on the great powerful throne in heaven, Jesus Christ Of Nazareth & The Power Of The Holy Spirit heard my prayers. I was at the store last month & a woman felt like something in her soul needed her to pray over me, so she did. That has never happened to me in my 25 years of breathing on this earth. I told her that GOD & Jesus must have whispered in her soul & sent you to pray over me. She said "yes". Then I told her about my life & the pain that I live with. She was so touched & moved, she sent me a flyer to her church because they had a Men's Conference about Men becoming more stronger through CHRIST JESUS. So I told her I'll go to the invitation on May 1- 3rd, 2015. I went to the 2015 Men's Conference & it was a blessing of an experience. I got to hear from different speakers from Apostle, Bishop, Doctor & Prophet talking about different topics such as Spiritual Warfare, Wearing & Being An Amor Of God. I'm still reading my bible, worshiping & praying to God, Jesus & Holy Spirit every single day. Everyday its hard for me to survive in this poor hard life. My soul is weak, lost, damaged, in pain daily. I don't have the blessing of having a car. I still live with my mom & the guy that she's been with for 12 years is going to marry her. Me & him don't get along well. Him & my mom argue, he loves to yell. I almost had to break up a fight between them recently. My mom got on me & told me not to interfere with them fighting because if it happens next time, he's going to put his hands on me & fight me & I don't want to fight. I was just being a peace maker. I don't want to live with them when they get married. I feel so stuck in my four wall room every single day since I graduated back in 2008. Being lonely everyday, never having the blessing of any friends to talk to or blessing of getting out to experience life is a pain, struggle, heartache. I've tried finding jobs, finding ways to get out of the house. I don't have a car & I'm still suffering from everything. Even if I had transportation or money, I'm still scared to get out in life period because I don't know how to be a strong, wise, responsible young man to know how to achieve my goals & survive. I am weak minded in my soul & whole body. I've been like that all my life. My soul feels permanently destroyed in sadness from all the hurt that I just told you. I don't hold onto grudges, I don't blame anyone. Why I say this, is because in my other prayer posts on youtube, anonymous people read my comments & don't understand my hurt. They want to be so critical, thinking that I'm self-centered & want attention. They look at things the wrong way & don't have a clue about what goes on in my life. Please keep me in your prayers daily. Also please pray for my hand. Please pray that God will heal my left hand. I went to the Emergency Hospital back in Jan 2015. The nurse drew blood from my left hand & purposely burst the vein inside my left hand. And since then my left hand has been in pain daily. So please continue to pray for me. Pray that God will heal my soul & break this curse that's in my life & the souls of my divided negative confused family. It's a generational curse. :'( Everyday I fight Lucifer. He keeps attacking & talking in my mind. Earlier this year, he tricked me into thinking that I didn't feel loved from God or Jesus :'( Today, I was thinking... for an angel sent from heaven to have rejected me & to not have the blessing of any friends in my 25 years of living, I'm afraid to think that I might be rejected from the lord. I feel so hurt as I type this because I feel so lost, hurt, sadden, damaged, empty, lonely & destroyed in sadness from how my life & family is. The pain takes a lot out of the soul & life that is in me daily. I feel like my soul was never meant to be happy here on this earth. I have been praying, crying my life, breath of soul out to God, Jesus & Holy Spirit for help :'( to please break this generational curse in my family & in my life. I'm suffering horribly. I feel so empty inside. I don't what my purpose here on earth is if I come from a negative, confused , divided, cursed family that's filled with rejection from positive people, suffering in health, never having any good positive blessings. The hurt that I live with makes me wonder was I really a mistake to exist on this earth due to this painful hell I'm going through. The only thing I can possibly do is pray, read my bible scriptures, worship God, Jesus & Holy Spirit & please pray that they will break this generational curse of negativity, rejection, negative division & a lot of other hurts. P.S. I like Photography. I never studied everything about it, but I've been taking photos since I got my first digital camera back in May 2009. I just recently got a new camera on my 25th birthday last month on April 10th. Pray that God will lead & open a new door for me in photography. This month of May I had went to the library for free computer basic, ancestry & internet basics, each two days out each week. I'm still failing becoming a young responsible man. Two days ago I was late for my computer basic class, but they let me in. This morning, I missed my free class session for ancestry today. My family yelled at me some more today. I'm so hurt, destroyed & sadden. I don't know why I was created :'( My soul is suffering. I felt empty & rejected by every good thing this morning thinking about my life, God, Jesus & Holy Spirit. I don't know if the lord is with me because my soul felt completely empty this morning while I was at the library. Now my mom made an appointment for me & her to see a counselor & we argued some more today. Now the counselor is sending two more people to help me & my family. I don't like this because it's always negative hell & confusion. I feel like a chicken with its head cut off. I did something in my life for the first time in my life. I bought my dad a birthday card from the little bit of birthday money I recieved & mailed it to him. God knows the hurt & history about me & my dad. My dad was never around me in my life to teach me how to be a man. I am only trying to do what God says in his commandments & that is honor thy father. I just want to please & make God, Jesus & Holy Spirit happy everyday. I'm reading my bible, praying, worshiping them & hoping with all my life & soul that they will reply back & help me in my life.