That Handsome Devil - Dating Tips video free download

Band: That Handsome Devil

Album: That Handsome Devil

Song: 05 - Dating Tips

LYRICS:

People often ask me

Godforbid they say,

you're quite the ladies man,

what's your secret?

Well,

You too can be swimmin' in women

Afloat in seas of ovaries

But more importantly

Knowing whether behind those pretty eyes

You have a diamond in the rough

Or colored contact lenses and a rough (slipping sound) stripper named Diamond.

Let's recreate the scene: Make believe you're at a table seat

Talking playfully to the waitress at your local place to eat

Way below the apron

Maybelline,

smell of eggs and cheese,

bacon grease,

she's a babe

an 8 at least

You wanna push the plate of quasadillas off the table, and spread them angel's wings,

but you can't say a thing?

If you don't do well with women,

They sell prescription drugs on television

May cause loss of appetite

Malnutrition,

Dizzy spells,

And different bells were ringing,

And that's where I come in and give 'em a little extra help to get 'em

(You can't get)

You see, confidence is key when entering any situation.

(In her pants)

We all have insecurities

So why not build your confidence on the insecurities of others

(But you don't)

Hey, she's gonna (banging sound) somebody

(Give a damn)

So why not you!

The drunker you are,

The easier it is to get laid,

But the harder it is to (boing sound)

You may have to picture what it is this month

Whoever you been thinking of

The girl at the Pizza Hut,

Midgets,

Nuns,

Whatever little miss it was.

And with a little hard work,

A little luck,

If you haven't given up,

Maybe you can get it up!

Now a (poke sound) is supposed to be fun

Instant gratification, a roller coaster

But no one wants to get stuck over and over

Going home to the roller coaster

It's hard to watch your shows

And do your homework

And when the ride you rode is over

It'll cost more than a roll of quarters

(You can't get)

So pull out!

I know how warm and good it feels

(In her pants)

But it's getting crowded round here

Please! Pull out!

(But you don't)

If it's not the one you wanna stay with

You can avoid the face,

(Give a damn)

But not the abbreviation

Taking payments from your paycheck

You can do it! Pull out!

Men have what I call a Columbus Complex

Other people may have been there,

But we still want to feel like we discovered it

So don't tell the number that you done it with

Your summers in Columbia

When you were young and done a bunch of dumber (boing sound)

Rambunctious kids!

Wait for the second date to cuff the wrists

Sponges, rubber gloves, and whips, oven mitts

Now a well trimmed personal area, that's nice

But why's she so ready?

You don't suppose

That she never knows

When she might show somebody?

Now think of that before you go steady,

Or maybe at your own wedding.

(You can't get)

If she's your girlfriend

Leave her alone with your friends

(In her pants)

Now, I don't expect no virgin,

But let 'em try to screw her

If she's flirting, or she (cartoon feet sound)

(But you don't)

It won't work man,

Get rid of her

And get yourself a new girlfriend

Remember,

(Give a damn)

The currency exchange rate,

At this party she's an 8,

At the club a 7,

At my apartment a 10.

Environment dictates.

The morning after,

She may slip to a three

Cause some things are better just to lust for.

This concludes the introductory segment of the Godforbid self-help collection

Hey, sleep with other races

Help out international relations.

For further behavioral instructions, consult the nearest strip club, and/or liquor store

Thank you, and enjoy yourself

(If it's not the one you want just let it go)

(This is a good country filled with good people. But what good is good in times like these?)