If I Didn't Believe in You - The Last 5 Years video free download

Caloy Ishot

JAMIEOkay, stopCathy, stopListen to meThere are peopleAnd they are publishing my bookAnd there's a party that they're throwingAnd while you've made it very clear that you're not goingI will be goingAnd that's doneBut what's it really about?Is it really about a party, Cathy?Can we please for a minute stop blamingAnd say what you feel?Is it just that you're disappointedTo be touring again for the summer?Did you think this would all be much easierThan it's turned out to be?Well, then talk to me, CathyTalk to meIf I didn't believe in youWe'd never have gotten this farIf I didn't believe in youAnd all of the ten thousand women you areIf I didn't think you could doAnything you ever wanted toIf I wasn't certain that you'd come through somehowTHe fact of the matter is, CathyI wouldn't be standing here nowIf I didn't believe in youWe wouldn't be having this fightIf I didn't believe in youI'd walk out the door and say,"Cathy, you're right"But I never could let that goKnowing the things about you I knowThings, when I met you four years ago, I knewIt never took much convincingTo make me believe in youDon't we get to be happy, Cathy?At some point down the lineDon't we get to relax?Without some new tsurisTo push me yet further from you?If I'm cheering on your side, CathyWhy can't you support mine?Why do I have to feelI've committed some felonyDoing what I always swore I would do?I don't want you to hurtI don't want you to sinkBut you know what I think?I think you'll be fine!Just hang on and you'll see-But don't make me wait till you doTo be happy with youWill you listen to me?No one can give you courageNo one can thicken your skinI will not fail so you can be comfortable, CathyI will not lose because you can't winIf I didn't believe in yourThen here's where the travelogue endsIf I didn't believe in youI couldn't have stood before all of our friendsAnd said, "This is the life I choose-This is the thing I can't bear to loseTrip us or trap us, but we refuse to fall"That's what I thought we agreed on, CathyIf I hadn't believed in youI wouldn't have loved you at allNow why don't you put your dress on and we'll go, okay?Cathy?Can we just do that please?Please?!

Tess Hardie

Can't wait to hear Jeremy Jordan sing this! ❤️

AssortedJade

This is the first song I've heard from this show, I just stumbled upon it. Would somebody be interested in giving me a little rundown? Wikipedia can give me the plot but if I've learned anything from being a next to normal fangirl it's that a musical is best described by its fans who can tell you the best songs e.t.c

16LesMiserables

I listen to this and can only think "YOU CHEATING B****************RDDDD!!"

Janez Usenik

Layna Morgan - It leads into "I can do better than that"

Amy Soria

best description ever

Layna Morgan

The music at the end of the song what is it leading into does anyone know?? 

Candie Montoya

if i hadn't believed in you,i wouldn't have loved you at all...

Mankey52

The line "This is the life i choose, this is the thing I cant bear to lose" is so beautiful. It's a really interesting show really, yes he cheats on her, but does she push him away? You never really know. Personally, I think she pushed him to the breaking point causing him to cheat. Amazing show. Painful, but amazing...

horrorgirlish

Love you jack!!!!!

Michael Chu

Welcome to Part 11 of my Last Five Years analysis, this time concerning the penultimate Jamie song, “If I Didn’t Believe In You”.I’ll be honest, part of the reason I’m tackling this song now (besides the fact that I have the day off and the time to do it) is because I’m eager to get into all the songs AFTER this one, which are three of the best songs in the show.Because I’ll be honest. I hate this song. I mean, it’s a great song, because they’re all great. It’s an important song, because they’re all important. But it’s the one I tend to skip the most, because listening to it tends to make me feel sick to my stomach by the end of it.That being said, let’s get right into it.Cathy (singing): _When you come home to meI'll wear a sweeter smile..._Jamie (yelling): *Okay, stop. Cathy, stop! LISTEN TO ME!*This is actually at the very end of the last song, Climbing Uphill. But I decided to talk about it in this post, because while many of the songs bleed into each other musically (creating a very consistent throughline for the listener), this song in particular develops from the song before it, and the way it transitions is particularly relevant to the dramatic effect.Cathy is practicing her audition song. She is singing loudly, and rather obnoxiously. Jamie yells at her to stop, but from a different time and place. They’ve just had another fight.One thing to note before we get into the heart of the song.The way that Cathy auditions (successfully, I might add) in “A Miracle Would Happen”, as well as the way she practices her song here, both strongly indicate that Cathy isn’t a very good actress/singer. She comes across as stilted, like she’s trying WAY too hard. On the cast recording, I feel like Sherie Rene Scott actually sings her song very well in “A Miracle Would Happen”, so I was surprised to see it staged to look so purposefully awkward.It can be a little uncomfortable to wrap your head around (especially since the character is so strongly based on Jason Robert Brown’s ex-wife), but I think it’s an interesting choice, and it really adds a lot of layers to the power dynamics between them. More on that later.*There are people**And they are publishing my book**And there's a party that they're throwing**And while you've made it very clear that you're not going**I will be going**And that's done*Again, keep in mind that the anger and frustration that Cathy was expressing in the last song actually took place many years before this one. And yet, it follows almost exactly.Cathy doesn’t want to go to the party, because she “will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels, to be trotting along at the genuis’s heels”. She also doesn’t want to go to a party where people are talking about how wonderful he is when she’s feeling so low, and she ALSO doesn’t want to go and very likely see these young, beautiful women flirt with her husband.We understand all of that from the last song. This song is about filling in Jamie’s side of the story.*But what's it really about?**Is it really about a party, Cathy?**Can we please for a minute stop blaming**And say what you feel?*Norbert Leo Butz has two qualities to his voice that serve him extremely well. One is a sort of obnoxious, braying arrogance that I am pretty sure won him two Tonys. Go to YouTube and search for “Great Big Stuff” from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels for a really great example of this. In the context of *this* show, look no further than “Moving Too Fast”.The other is this rich, creamy warmth that lets him blend song and conversation effortlessly and sort of makes you want him to take you in his strong, protective arms.Or maybe that’s just me. IN ANY CASE, he really, really cranks up the warm, understanding tones at the beginning of this song. He’s the very picture of the sensitive, caring husband who is trying to do his best under difficult circumstances.Also, there’s a clever little rhetorical trick hidden in here. Jamie uses “we”, sharing the blame for the argument, but then he asks her to “say what *you* feel?” I might be reading too much into this, but it strikes me as more of that sort of “I’m not the problem here, you are” rhetoric that Cathy also engages in.*Is it just that you're disappointed**To be touring again for the summer?**Did you think this would all be much easier**Than it's turned out to be?*He’s got her pretty much dead to rights here, though. She thought it would be easy, it wasn’t, and she hasn’t been handling it well.*Well, then talk to me, Cathy**Talk to me*And here we start getting into the bitter irony of everything, because immediately after Jamie says this, he starts talking nonstop about *his* feelings. He probably doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. He’s trying to support his wife as best he can, but this is how he does it.*If I didn't believe in you**We'd never have gotten this far**If I didn't believe in you**And all of the ten thousand women you are**If I didn't think you could do**Anything you ever wanted to**If I wasn't certain that you'd come through somehow**The fact of the matter is, Cathy**I wouldn't be standing here now*Do you see how insidious this is? Jamie is explicitly tying her abilities as an actress (something she has clearly been struggling with, and something that the show itself seems to state she isn’t very good at) with his willingness to be with her.He’s saying “I’m on your side”, but he’s also saying “If I wasn’t sure you’d eventually succeed, I would have totally ditched you years ago”. Meanwhile, the music is playing this stirring, inspiring, romantic tune in the background that makes my stomach churn.I have occasionally read comments from people saying that they love this song, because Jamie is so supporting and loving, and I have wanted to scream at them because they’re obviously not comprehending what he’s actually saying.*If I didn't believe in you**We wouldn't be having this fight**If I didn't believe in you**I'd walk out the door and say,**"Cathy, you're right"**But I never could let that go**Knowing the things about you I know**Things, when I met you four years ago, I knew**It never took much convincing**To make me believe in you*It’s been awhile since we’ve gotten an explicit statement of when a song was occurring, but four years obviously means that the relationship is nearing the end of its course.Now, let’s get into what they’re actually fighting about. It isn’t explicitly stated, but I imagine the fight went something like this.Cathy: “I don’t want to go to your party. I always end up feeling like shit.”Jamie: “You’re not shit, and I think it’ll make you feel better!”Cathy: “How? I hate my life. I hate my career. I’m angry at everything.”Jamie: “Don’t say that. I’m sure things will turn around eventually.”Cathy: “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST JAMIE, I’M SO FUCKING SICK OF HEARING YOU SAY THAT. KINDLY SHUT THE FUCK UP.”Jamie: “What the hell, Cathy? How is this my fault?”Cathy: *”I hate you so much right now.”*Cathy is down on herself. Jamie tries to prop her back up by saying how wonderful he thinks she is and how all she has to do is keep at it and eventually something will happen. Cathy looks back on the years of experience that show that it isn’t working like that at all, and is increasingly angry that Jamie would continue to say it.There’s a wonderful passive aggressive condescension in Jamie phrasing the conflict as a refusal to agree that Cathy does, in fact, suck. It’s the ol’ “I’m disagreeing with you for your own benefit, rendering my argument completely unassailable” trick. And then there’s whole idea of Jamie almost implying that Cathy is too stupid to see how great she really is.That being said, she is far from blameless here.*Don't we get to be happy, Cathy?**At some point down the line**Don't we get to relax?**Without some new tsuris**To push me yet further from you?*Because three things happened concurrently that turned Cathy into a walking, frothing mess of anger and insecurity. Thing one is that Cathy developed a strong sense of independence, of wanting to go through life on her own terms, under her own power.(I know I’ve said this a million times, but more on this later)Thing two is that Cathy picked a career that lends itself very easily to failure, especially a failure that takes a heavy toll on your self esteem. And thing three is that Cathy became involved with, and got married to, a person whose career took off like a rocket super early, reinforcing the fact that hers never went anywhere.The end result of this is that while Jamie and Cathy were very happy together for many years, their happiness was contingent on the assumption that eventually, Cathy would catch up to Jamie, career-wise. At least, enough for her to be content.It didn’t, and the end result was that she not only got angrier and angrier as time went on, but she also began to take it out on Jamie. She began to resent his success, because it made her feel like crap.Also, tsuris is another Yiddish word that Jason Robert Brown threw in for no other reason that I can think of other than because he could. It means “trouble or woe; aggravation”.*If I'm cheering on your side, Cathy**Why can't you support mine?**Why do I have to feel**I've committed some felony**Doing what I always swore I would do?*But clearly, these constant attacks on his success are starting to get to Jamie. Which is understandable. The sentiments he’s expressing here are entirely fair.Except for one minor detail, which is that Cathy also hates the way his success brings all those women into his orbit, and the way he acts around him. But then again, maybe if she wasn’t always so angry about her own issues, he wouldn’t notice the other girls as much because he’d always have his lovely, darling wife by his side.That’s the thing about this show. Every time you think of some detail that makes you blame one person more than the other, there’s another detail that slips in that makes you have to shift the blame back. It’s complicated and messy, like relationships always are.*I don't want you to hurt**I don't want you to sink**But you know what I think?**I think you'll be fine!**Just hang on and you'll see**But don't make me wait till you do**To be happy with you**Will you listen to me?*This is essentially reinforcing the murkiness of all the so-called “support” that Jamie was giving her.I’m pretty sure she knows what Jamie thinks, because I’m pretty sure they’ve had this argument a million times. And for a song that started with “talk to me, Cathy …talk to me,” it’s little much for Jamie to get angry that she isn’t listening to him.One of the things the overall structure of the show reinforces is the fact that Jamie and Cathy are pretty much always talking *past* each other, not *with* each other. They never really seem to communicate, so much as just say things and end up either pleased or angry by the way the other person reacts, without too much thought about why.This next section is the main reason I tend to skip this song so much.*No one can give you courage**No one can thicken your skin**I will not fail so you can be comfortable, Cathy**I will not lose because you can't win*Look at that line. “I will not lose because you can’t win.”He’s saying “I don’t believe in you.” The song is LITERALLY CALLED “If I Didn’t Believe In You”, and here Jamie lets slip that he actually doesn’t. Not anymore.I hate hearing him say that. I hate that line so much. it makes me so angry. The savage, unbearable irony of hearing him say that. It’s the moment where you realize how much complete bullshit everything that Jamie has been saying really is, but he’s been making them for so long that he doesn’t even realize how little he actually believes them anymore. Until finally, the truth slips out.Because in the context of everything else he has been saying, that line means that Jamie knows that the relationship is already over. Everything else from this moment on is just delaying the inevitable and/or suffering through the death throes.I think he tries to walk it back, but he does it in the worst way possible.*If I didn't believe in you**Then here's where the travelogue ends*Translation: It’s over*If I didn't believe in you**I couldn't have stood before all of our friends**And said, "This is the life I choose-**This is the thing I can't bear to lose**Trip us or trap us, but we refuse to fall"**That's what I thought we agreed on, Cathy*Translation: If had known then what I know now, I would never have married you.*If I hadn't believed in you**I wouldn't have loved you at all*Translation: I don’t love you anymore.*Now why don't you put your dress on and we'll go, okay?**Cathy?**Can we just do that please?*Why the *fuck* would Cathy go to a party with the man who basically just admitted that he doesn’t love her anymore?*Please?!*Tears me up the way he says that.Both the best and worst thing about this song is how it flows into the next one. As painful as it can be to see Jamie fall out of love with Cathy, it’s even worse because we see how happy she really was at the beginning of it all.That being said, I’ve been waiting to cover the next song literally since I started this thing. See you all then!

SuperCydney123

Oh my god. This is such a beautiful show.

born1on1broadway

I hope this proves to my friend that his so awesome

Niferable

The brilliant thing about this show is that we've all been, or at least most will at some point be, on both sides of this argument. It's such a window into what makes relationships work or not work, and it's heartbreaking to see two incredibly compatible people whose timing, professionally, is just off. How many things actors sacrifice!

Morgan Glasberg

I think how much he refers to her by name in this song makes it more emotional. Every next time he says "Cathy" just tugs on your heart even more.

TwistedRain

I'm the other half :)

BrendanMan123

Jason Robert Brown is a genius

thatbigwhiteguy

Yeah so 11,681 views. I'm pretty sure about half of those are from me.

serenadeyuki

Love this song, but when he says "praying i'll hold you again," i just couldn't hear anymore--it made me feel so bad for his wife.

Trisha Trixie Hunter

If I hadn't believed in youI wouldn't have loved you at all

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