Tenerife Sea cover acoustic - Ed Sheeran скачать видео бесплатно

http://twitter.com/amyrcola

I had a conversation with a good friend the other day about a bunch of heavy things. I actually walked away at one point because I knew he was right, and I still didn't want to face that reality. After the Miley contest (for those of you that were around and still question what happened, I guess Miley fired all her management because that was the year she turned 18 and she never really wanted to do the contest thing anyways blah blah blah. So, there it is!), I waited and waited and waited. I just waited. I graduated high school a year early. I wasn't taking classes. Never took the SATs. I stopped uploading regularly because I was just WAITING. So, FF to now, 4 years later, still no classes or credits. Nothing.

For some reason, I've always felt that me taking classes/going back to school would = me giving up music. I don't know why. Probably because all of my friends at that time were pushing me to take the ACTs, SATs, and I looked at is as a, "you don't believe in me," thing. But it is what it is in my mind. Especially since I would consider taking art classes, it's even more of a "ok by e music buh-bye ttyn." Which, … I don't know. I haven't really talked about that to people because I feel foolish for it. But, my friend had me look at things in a bit of a different perspective.

It's crazy to me, because I still love it. But I don't enjoy music the way I used to. I guess I've kind of been scarred with it (I want to do a Draw My Life video someday and kind of explain the last couple years and the madness, because there's been a lot of big and little things). But when I try to record anything, it is a constant battle with my emotions and insecurities, and they always seem to win. Literally was SHAKING trying to record, "Only one," because I was overcome with anxiety. So when I think about even attempting to record a cover, that's all I think of. Instead of, "I can't wait this will be fun!!!! "

So my friend was kind of talking about me taking classes (which I'm going to have to push myself to actually suck it up and sign up for January) that it wouldn't mean giving up music necessarily just .. a break . Which, this is ridiculous to me, because the reality of the situation is that I haven't really been doing anything musically for the past 4 years ! It's like I've already been on a break. But I still stress about it enough, and it is a constant battle that keeps on keeping me away. It's just that I need to get re-inspired.

I really feel so ridiculous, I don't know. I'm just trying to fall in love with singing again instead of nothing but being super hypercritical (even this video, went through pointing out everything that I hated about it. and this is why the videos are so so so far apart and even when I do upload, I almost don't publish). I just need to get over my self stuff. My friend described the pressure I put on myself: "It's like you are stressing yourself out about a project with a deadline but there isn't even a deadline and hardly even a project."

I've seriously thought of deleting my channel, starting over. Except then there's this thought of, "but… what if… I wouldn't start over…." And that'd be the end? I know Jesus put music on my heart. I just need to figure out how it fits, to stop letting the enemy fill me up with fear and continue to stop me from even trying. Sometimes I watch old covers and it's as if I'm looking at a different person. It's really, really so bizarre. Even scrolling through comments, I see THE sweetest things and I'm in awe and yet it really doesn't reach my heart. I'm still almost searching for the bad comments waiting for someone to call me out on not being good enough, "tell me something I don't know ."

So…. anyways. I'm trying to figure things out, my heart. I have made a lot steps in working through stuff, but I know there's still plenty more to go. I love you if you've stuck around, and I love you even if you haven't. Hopefully one of these days I'll get it together :P

Love love love….. stay true…